Care about Yourself in the Present Moment
“I’ll like myself, when….
Fill in the blank:
…I weigh less.”
…I am in a relationship.”
…I get the job I want.”
…I go to the gym every day.”
ETC.
Sound familiar? The list goes on and on. Many of us tend to put some goals out there which we think will change how we feel about ourselves when we reach them. In reality what happens is that we set ourselves up for disappointment and failure – reaching those goals in order to like ourselves is self-defeating from the get-go. When we don’t reach the goal or it all takes longer than we think it should, we turn to self-criticism big time:
“I am just lazy.”
“There is something wrong with me – why can’t I just do this?”
“I don’t have any will power.”
“I have failed before, and will fail again.”
“I am afraid of change.”
“I have no self-confidence.”
You may hold some notion that if you aren’t hard on yourself, you won’t get anything done. But is there really any benefit to beating yourself up in order to get motivated to change? How long have you been going down that path? How has that strategy worked for you? When you do reach the goal you think you want, do you find there is always something beyond it that might make you happier with yourself, might make you like yourself better?
How about finishing the sentence in a different way?
“I’ll like myself when I stop judging myself.”
“I’ll like myself when I treat myself kindly and with compassion.”
“I’ll like myself when I treat myself as I would treat a dear friend.”
Or, better yet, take the future out of it:
“I like myself just as I am right now.”
But how do we get there – to that feeling of self-acceptance and self-love?
Start Right Now with Yourself in This Moment
This is where mindfulness comes into play. And what is mindfulness exactly? Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote: “Mindfulness is awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a sustained and particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” The realization that life is happening now and not in the future is an awakening, an awakening to the value of the present, a realization that this moment is where we actually live our lives.
Try to slow things down and step into the position of a non-judgmental observer. Intentionally take in how you are participating in the present moment, and accepting yourself as you are RIGHT NOW and the moment as it is RIGHT NOW.
If you are in the shower, notice with all your senses the warm water raining down on beautiful you. Feel it, see it, smell it, taste it and hear it. What shadows does the spray cast on the wall? What shadow do you cast on the wall? What a wonderful gift!
If you are eating an orange, notice, with all your senses, this wonderful piece of fruit. Think about how it was grown and how it got to be in your hand. Feel the texture of the rind; smell the citrus; see the orangeness and whiteness and variations in color; listen to the soft sound of peeling or cutting; finally a taste. What an amazing treat!
If you are outside, notice, with all your senses, the scene of Spring in its delicate beginning colors and smells and sounds, feeling and tasting the beautiful warm air. What a miracle of consistency – it happens every year!
Say to yourself: I love myself in this moment of awareness. I completely accept myself without any need to compare or judge or criticize. I am good enough.